[	Fe3Linq	|	energetic	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	ipod is on shuffle =D	]

hmm.. for like a week i didnt think about guys one bit. now im back to my pathetic self who DOESNT stop thinking about boys! i dont know what it is. i need to make out, i need to hug, i need to talk on the phone with them. ughh. major boy toy craving right now.

today melissa & laura came over. LMFAO in dunkin donuts laura & i didnt have enough money so we had to ask lauren & liz. pretty funny. kinda like china buffet all over again [ lmfao fab 4 ]

uhh tomorrow the starting line cd is being released. after school the fab 4 is going to get it at newbury comics, then i think we're going to the mall? yeah. making plans now......

myspace isnt as addicting as it used to be which is sad lol. mhmmmm.

finch concert - may 18th, laura & i are really looking into it. my brother will take us. we just gotta have a chat with lauras mommy.

i heart boys

i was reading my livejournal from september, i seem so different. i miss myself. ugh why did i have to change so fucking bad? i suck ass now.

Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife </3

[	Fe3Linq	|	chipper	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	something corporate =)	]

okay well i dont think ive updated since thursday ishh? yeah so i'll write about friday...

my metal spring broke in half on thursday night, so on friday i went to the orthodontist around 830 and didnt get to school until 10:25 ishh.. so all i had was one block then lunch. pretty fast day. after school lauren laura & i were planning on hanging out, and then bridget & chels tagged along. they all needed/wanted to go downtown ... but all of them could come over my house... so we were just gonna walk downtown then to my house. then bridget had to go and get christines present, so she was eliminated lol. so we walked to CVS [ me lauren laura and chelsey ] and laura got a card for christine, and then chels' mom called & told her she had to come home. LMFAO laura "they're all dropping like flies" hahaha. soo yeah then lauren laura & i went to laurens since my house was too far away. lmao we stopped at cedar park .. and like had to rest .. it was funny. at laurens we ate these wiked cool popsicles <3 then we ordered two pizzas, and it was out of control - because the guy took our coupons & one of them was for pick up only and lauren was like "CANCEL THAT REQUEST!!!" lmao! and then bryan&brendan [ laurens brothers ] had friends over, and there friends like ate the flipping pizza? it was crazy. we didnt get to enjoy it haha.

omgosh i forget what i did friday night. lmao. what did i do? i think i just came home, but i forget. lmaoooo i dont know! ahhh i think i did something.. but i forget.. hahahah

yeah then yesterday chelsey jenna bridget laura & i went over laurens. it was sweeeet. we all wore our pjs and our slipppers & watched scary movies =) it was soooooo fun! we watched poltergeist hahaha i couldnt say it, lol jenna. and yeah it was a crazyy movie.. with the blood.. and the guy ripping his face off. yuckie. then we like ordered pizza again, and lauren was like NO BRIAN YOU CANT HAVE ANY! and bridget was like yeah that'll be $1.50 and then he went away and came back with exactly $1.50 ... it was so cute lol. then we were just like hanging in her kitchen, then the computer room, then in the basement. LMFAO we played "ring around the pool table" and we were running around it [  me laura & chelsey ] and then jenna went under it and grabbed our legs lmfaoooo. then we played dirty minds, that was pretty funny lol. then dan wanted to come over, and like he WAS gonna bring matt so me & laura FLIPPED OUT and chelsey was like "hes gonna make out with you!!!!!!!!" and she was like flipping out too cause she wanted to watch? lmao. but then matt couldnt come. so just dan came. he played pool with lauren & jenna downstairs while me bridget chelsey & brian watched freddy vs. jason. it wasnt even scary. it was really bloody though. LMFAO! i GOT YOUR NOSE!!!!!! lmao.

OMG I REMEMBER FRIDAY NIGHT!!!! christines party! YEAH. well bridget laura & i didnt really wanna go in the first place, but afterwards we were glad we did, it was so much fun. i tried really hard to be friends with colleen too. LMFAO laura, when we were spinning inside while everyone was eating and we fell into the corner. lmao. then outside =) so much fuckin fun spinning. i cant explain it. yeahhhh.

then last night after i left laurens, mel came and slept over. LMFAO SHE PEE'D HER UNDERWEAR TWO TIMES! TWO TIMES BABY! it was hilariousss. "affirny" lmfao. my mom came down. lmfaoooo. and she tried to put that blanket on me! lmfao. and when we heard the guy outside with a gun, and you talked too loud. lmfao. you stealing the remotes... oh gosh.. so much fun mel. oh yeah, mel got in a fight with colleen while i was on the phone with laura like giving her the info & entertaining her while she was babysitting. but we resolved it, and now we're best friends again!! ask melissa, i was like shaking because i was so shocked. woooo coll you won't regret it.

yeah.. awesome weekend.. some of the family is coming over today too.

uhh i dont know how im gonna manage my time this week.. these are the people i told them i would do something with..

- melissa
- lauren (which means jenna & bridget probably too)
- lisa
- allison
- laura (either with jenna and them.. or with chels too)
- maybe coll? i dno, i might ask her. might not.





I <3 my ipod =)

[	Fe3Linq	|	naughty	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	rocking the new FOB	]

So this entry will be all about yesterday since I'm not going to school until later since my metal spring broke in half =)

Yesterday school was okay as usual... gym first with like hannah lauren jenna maggie & brittany =) i was getting like really competitive though, cause i couldnt stand the other team, especially lizzie & kyana. they're very competitive [ lmao lauren, lets push her! ] yeahhh then chorus, and ms. cork butt moved maggie jenna & lauren which made me really sad. but then all during warm up they were waving to me haha! lunch was sweeeet... Tinkerbell bought me a cookie  =) such a good friend lol maggie is the shit. so that was a SCRUMPTIOUS cookie [ scrumptious, lmao chels ] blah blah the rest of the school day sucked.

After school i waited for Chels to take her science test, so i walked around the hall a good 20 times. pretty good exercise. then i met up with lauren jenna & bridget and went into the bathroom while they all pee'd hahah. then they threw soap everywhere & it was pretty fun =) then they left & i went to meet chelsey.... but like britt L & andrea were walken around so they stopped to give me a high five? yeah. and then i found chels & kathryn .. then chels & i walked here. it was pretty sweet. we just hung out , had some chuckles. we ate pudding lol & played the sims.

at like 545 lauren came to my house and then us 3 walked to the common to see jenna play softball =) LMAO!!! on the way there.. so many laughs... the warm rocks, the rich peoples grass which i rolled on, the nature, the flowers, hearing nicole like yell at us thinking we were in trouble, hanging from the tree, laurens butt vibrating, lmao. yeah so then we met up with chris who was on my nerves. saw colleen & allie who clearly wanted nothing to do with me. i can only do so much ya know? like, i went over to them and like begged them to hang out with us, and like they didnt feel like it cause they wanted to play bball which is fine just... they never said bye or anything.. i dno it made me sad. poor chels, i was like talking the WHOLE time i was like "I miss colleen, i want them to come over here, omgosh lets get them to come over here, i miss colleen" and i like didnt shut up. yeah then jess farr came, and then bridget came, then steph, kayla, and abrie came. it was pretty fun. robbie came too & george. chris did a flame thrower with axe & it was a huge flame so me & chelsey ran away. then i came home. FUN!! =) 

then when i got home iwas on the phone with melissa for a long time about the dance situatioN! which was outta control, and that was a pretty good conversation , i wuv my melly =D.. then i was on the phone with laura & we had an awesome conversation too, she totally just gets where im coming from & sees what i see, and yeah i <3 her. then i called mel back & we talked some more lol. i went to bed around 1230, and it felt good cause i got like an hour more sleep than usual.

today after school which im going to be late to .. i think im going out with laura & lauren. which will be fun because it always is. thennn christines surprise party is at 6, and that should be fun, yet somewhat akward. i dont know lol. later<3

p.s. the new fall out boy cd is amazing <3

so is chelsey, shes an awesome friend & i would NEVER use you Chelsey, but the fact that you would do something like that to save my relationship with colleen is so nice its insane..... and you're my idol! and i wont use you. i wont. i refuse. you're too good of a friend chels, and even though you wanna see me happy, i WONT do it.

Pretty awesome day if I do say so myself...

I'll write about it! =)

Okay so school was boring. I was so incredibly tired. I've slept pretty good the past 2 nights though, cause I'm still wiped from the concert. But yeah, I woke up, showered, got dressed. Talked to Mike online [ a morning routine ]. Then head off. First four classes I was basically asleep for. Then lunch was awesome =) I love my friends. In Spanish I got a 19 and a half out of 20 on my quiz from Monday... yeah I know hah thats ridiculous! Uh then Tech. Ed. with Logan =). Then world history was pretty boring too.

After school Lauren + Jenna + I went to Lauras house!!!!!!!! LMFAO!!! On the walk there.. omgosh... we found this crappy baby carriage like in the trash & Jenna like pushed Lauren & Lauren was about to piss her pants.. and it was just so fuckin funny. Then Laura pushed Jenna and they went like flying down the hill & i almost pee'd myself. Then at Lauras we hung out in her basement & watched a part of Super Trooper lmao Jenna "It looks like a vagina with a meatball sticking out of it!" lmao.

Then in Lauras room LMFAO we went on the roof when her dad left the house for 2 seconds. It was sooo funny, we all went through the window. Then her sister like came home and was like "dont jump! dont jump!" and thennn jenna & laura like jumped into the window and landed on lauras bed and lauren was holding the window open & i went and they were like laughing so hard they couldnt move and i couldnt get into the room and lauren was like slapping my butt... lmao.. yeah and jenna like broke her nose. but it was hilarious.

Thennnn Laura cut Jennas hair!!!! It looks so good. Laura angled it and gave her like side bangs. I think it looks so hot haha but like she cut a lot off and jenna was about to cry. but its worth it.

so now im home, talking to mike & james. yeah i'll write more later. <3.

[	Fe3Linq	|	tired	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	armor for sleep =) sickk.. i saw them in concert	]

You're drowning in the water
And I try to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand



I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
Our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel.
- Scars ; Papa Roach

Like a bad star
I'm falling faster
Down to her
She's the only one who knows what it is to burn.
- What it is to Burn ; Finch

It was clear to see
That it was hardly love.
- Photobooth ; Death Cab for Cutie

[	Fe3Linq	|	chipper	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	fall out boy =)	]

Last night was by far the greatest night of my entire life

i cannot begin to describe what it was like seeing the all american rejects in concert.. but ill try

so heres my day yesterday ::

waited patiently for the 2:00 bell to ring, then went to Mels for about an hour, then came home to "freshen up".

then mike & i drove to oak grove, parked, and hopped right on a train =). the orange line has always been my favorite, cause its fast, and at that time of day it wasnt crowded going into boston. then we had to transfer to the green line & it got packed, but luckily we got seats. we got off and walked to landsdowne st [ yes, right behind the green monster ] and he was explaining to me that avalon is an awesome venue to see a show, and like, i told him thats where me & allie WOULD have saw Ryan Cabrera =) okay so then we get closer to Axis and my brother looks and he goes WHAT THE FUCK!! .. there were mad people waiting outside in line. like atleast 200 people. so then the guy was like "if you already have tickets, come to the front" so then we got right in. which was pretty slick. inside you know there are 2 bars, the stage which you step down into, the open floor, railings up top ... but like its all close so you're wiked close to the band at all times. i loved it. so the first band on stage was hellogoodbye.... i was head banging to them & they were pretty sweet. like, just, okay, like i stood at the railings for that. then 15 minutes of Armor for Sleep setting up their equiptment so i got a drink and we went down onto the floor. once they came on, MAN they were SICK! They were a loooooot heavier than I expected, but they were awesome. almost like from first to last-ishhh. i loved them. i definetly wanna download some of their songs. then there were like 9 guitars these guys had to tune. and then the all american rejects would come on =) i was like waiting there for about 15 minutes for them to get on stage. and like i didnt know when it would happen. so im just like standing there with the crowd, not talking to anyone. and all of a sudden the lights change & like the music from "one more sad song" starts & they come running out onstage. i cant describe the feeling, my heart dropped and i was breathless. i was like omgosh you gotta be fucking kidding me? tyson ritter is less than 10 feet away from me. omgosh it was AMAZING. and i immediately started jumping up & down and like you know made the "rock on" sign with my hands. and i was headbanging. and SCREAMING the lyrics at the top of my lungs. oh my god, there was nothing like it. there was sweat pouring. ugh it was beautiful.

it was awesome though cause he was like PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP BOSTON!!!!! and like he was like "last time we were in boston was when you guys won the fuckin world series!!!!!" and the crowd was screeching. then the next song he was like okay we're gonna play a happy fuckin ending. and then that song started. and i was like going totally insane. and during the song "time stands still" at one point when it goes "time is standing still..." he goes "WHY IS BOSTON STANDING STILL?" and woo the crowd surfing started & it was so awesome =)  i wish i did it hahahahah. ugh i love them with all my fucking heart. best night of my fucking life. i wanna go to shows all the time now. they played 2 songs off their new album which is coming out soon, they seemed pretty good! and then he was like so back to the old vintage rejects.... we're gonna play a song called your star, and it makes people go fuckin crazy! and i LOVE that song, i mean i love every song but that song just makes me absolutely mental. so i was FLIPPING out SO much. then they were like GOODNIGHT boston [ obviously coming back on, they ALWAYS do ] and the crowd starting screaming REJECTS! REJECTS! REJECTS! then LAST SONG! LAST SONG! LAST SONG! so tyson came back out & was like WHAT? you guys want ANOTHER song? well the fuckin band, they fuckin said fuck it we dont wanna do it anymore! so you're gonna have to clap and scream if you want them to come back onstage!!!!!! and like i was screaming at the top of my lungs. so then hes like alright motherfuckers here they are. and they came back on & started playing the last song. and the crowd was jumping like crazy non-stop. it was awesome. then they were like goodnight boston, thanks for having us motherfuckers!!!!!

i loved just like being so close the band members. like when i was watching hellogoodbye perform, the lead singer of Armor for Sleep was standing right behind me. it was just so awesome. after the show the lead singer of hellogoodbye was out taking pictures & shit which was pretty cool, i got less than an inch away from him & told him he had a great show. and like people handing out stickers like they do at all concerts. but it was pretty sick. i loved it.

best night ever.

the all american rejects have my heart <3

forever.

next concert - finch, may 18. im gonna try to get tickets =)

fall out boy CD came out today & ive already listened to it 2 times. it's pretty sweet.


OH YEAH AND SCHOOL WAS AWESOME TODAY

I <3 CL + CP + KG + NM + KF.... just so fun at the all a's thing & afterwards lol

[	Fe3Linq	|	crappy	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	evanescence	]

I dont even know what to say...

Not gonna go into detail, i'll just say one word. Colleen. *sadness*

One good thing to look forward to tomorrow, the AAR concert. Should be pretty sweet. Music gets my mind off things, so yeah.

Uhh yesterday was awesome too, basically. Around 1ishh I went to the mall with Chels & Lise, it was mad fun<3. We had some good chuckles =) Like when we knocked all the bottles over in A/E .. lmao. Oh my goodnesssss! And stealing the large cups at Sbarro [ me & chels taught lisa how to do it, you know, since we're experts at it now ] and Lisa was trying to convince Chelsey to steal salad? Lmao. I bought a $20 Coheed DVD, so right there i blew 20 bucks which kinda stinks. and i WAS gonna buy the pink hair dye at hot topic since im gonna dye my tips cotton candy pink =) and then i was like no i'll wait and ask joyce, since im such a good daughter [ pshh ] and yah. so i'll be doing that soon. *excitement* and lise wants to dye her whole head black, which will be sick mcnasty! I walked by Build-a-Bear & just a million thoughts were going through my head, but i was like guys stop, do you think it would be a good idea if I made colleen a build-a-bear? just to like, let her know i care? and they thought it was a really good idea. so we did that. it was pretty funny though, because the girl had to write like a name on the tag, and she was like whats your name? and i was like devyn, and she goes what? so then i laughed and i was like "lisa" [ because its easier to say ] well im SO stupid.. lmao.. now on the bear it says to Colleen from Lisa =( .. its supposed to be devynnnn

uh then we met sue & jillian at a/e again and we went to chelseys house. it was pretty awesome. we walked corey in the pouring rain =) i love the rain. and i love the prince! oh hes a baby! hes a cute little puppy with a penis! then we watched some of the coheed dvd in her attic, and then watched Good Charlotte & it was awesome. we were singing, lmao. then MK & Nonno came to pick me & lise up. lmao in the car lisa was like mom can i get high tops? and nonno was like HOT DOG?!! and the whole car was laughing, and she was like NO nonno - high tops! lmao.

basically
pretty much
to sum it up
on the whole

im gonna go mope around the house and cuddle with buddy the build-a-bear <3.

*dreading school tomorrow, big time*

hope everyone had a good weekend =)

fab 4  <33333.

[	Fe3Linq	|	confused	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	ears are ringing!	]

Alright well I'll talk about my day --

I don't wanna make a big deal about my "friend" issues right now, because that would be like totally talking behind their back. But to sum it up [ lmao fab 4 ] uhhh in gym I got MAD love from Brittany, Maggie, and Lauren M. Then in chorus, Kasey, Jenna, and Bridget. Kinda feels good, like, they were telling me how they felt about ME. and I dno. made me feel somewhat important. Like I said in MySpace, people I'm not so close with seem to adore me. TOTALLY NOT TRYING TO SOUND CONCEIDED SINCE WE ALL KNOW THAT I'M NOT.

Uhh then after school LMFAO!!!!!!! ME + LAURA + LISA + CHELSEY'S EVIL MASTER PLAN THAT WE PLANNED FOR LIKE AN HOUR LAST NIGHT WORKED!!!!!! SUCCESS!!!!! So Laura, Chelsey, and I had to like waste time so that Lisa could go home with Steph & Katherine [ so they wouldnt wanna tag along with us ] so we just like went into classrooms for like 30 minutes. Then the 3 of us walked to Lisas. Lisas house is sick. So is MK & Nonno. LMAO. HAVE SOME ICE CREAM!!!

Uhh then at like 5:15 we walked to Lauras to get ready. Then the dance was okay.. just.. okay. Yeah. lol. They all looked mad hot. I was like dude I'm going with the sexiest chickas ever. Then Stephanie friggen wanted to friggen go & got EVERYONE stressed out. whoops that was kinda out of order [ stephanie called BEFORE we went to the dance ] and yeahhhhhhh. Maggie was like hanging out with me which made me smile =) Britt was stressing out and getting sad over  a boy.. I was a body guard for Britt & Alie. Nothing else really. Except for the Samantha Garret fight after which was sick! Okay. Pretty macadocious day. Now I'm talking to Clara cause she has some feelings she needs to get out..... anddd later <3.

`xx.

[	Fe3Linq	|	sad	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	singing that chorus song in my head	]

the private thing is nowhere to be found even though I'm a "computer queen" lol


sooooooo here we go

i bet u guys will think this is a bunch of bull shit, its not. its me, its real, its sincere, its from the heart.

friendship is amazing. it really is cause you laugh, cry, fight, and get jealous, but even during all those you still have such a sisterly love for the girl. like i know that i will ALWAYS love my sexy 6 until the day i die, and even when im in heaven. theyve changed me for the better whether they know it or not, they've made me, me. my hearts divided into 6 parts just for them.

coll used to say that to me.. that i was the biggest part of her heart.. so coll are you getting rid of most of your heart? are you gonna be able to survive? you're so strong that i know you can. you're one of the strongest people i have ever met in my life. to put up with my crumby actions & my bitchy journal entries. at the end of the day you still used to call me your best friend & forgive me cause you knew that i cared about you more than anything in this whole entire world. yeah i'll admit that i have not been fair to you these past few months.... and i didnt know how to confront it or handle it.. so i let it get worse... and now its over. wait until people find out that everlasting colleen & devyn didnt last this time.  its sooo weird because after we had like a "fight" we would have the greatest friendship alive, and i almost like looked forward to making up with you so that we could be closer than ever. if i knew that like in september october & november that those would be the last AWESOME times for us, i probably would have thought more highly of them. like if i knew 5 months later this would happen, i would have done something about it. i'm still devyn, i'm still the girl that you LOVE hugging for hours because all your fears & worries just go away completely and it's just me & you where the rest of the world escapes. that will never change. that part of me is all because of you. my caring side, my understanding side - all comes from you. when its just me & you i will always be the real me, im gentle, i don't "attack" you, and you were NEVER scared to tell me how you felt. i dont know what happened, yes, it was all my fault, but babe, you have change too. you've changed in awesome ways though, and im soooo proud of you. you used to LOVE when you made me proud, so maybe for one more time you can love me.

we totally started "babe" too and Mel used to get soo mad lol she counted it in the year book and everything! babe, thanks, just, for always being you & always being there. but in the end, i  contradict myself all the time, as do you, when you said you'd always put me first and id always be part of your life. hopefully you'll read this & kinda miss my geeky self..

Melissa .. history is what keeps us together. day by day we fight like sisters because we are, you just were given to the wrong mom, had darker skin, and were shorter than me. as far as im concerened, whether we're best friends or not even friends, we're sisters. somehow, someway, thats what we'll always be. i dont give you credit for all that you do. you're awesome. i would die to be like you. you're so lovable Melissa... you dont even know how many people care about you like with all their heart. im one of those people. i called you tonight, crying, because i lost someone who was 95% of the reason i wake up in the morning & you were the only one i could talk to and then i find out you might not wanna be friends with me. well, whatever you decide, i'll accept it & support you. because i deserve it. and you deserve so much better.. you allison & colleen are my heroes & you guys put up with me for way too long. enough is enough. just know that you'll always be my sister, and come sometime later on in life, i hope you think that way of me toooo.

Allison .. it'll never be the same hun. i'll miss it, i'll miss you, i'll miss me, i'll miss us. you & i got along so well until like.. i dont know.. a couple months ago. my fault again though. i shouldnt have done anything & i shouldnt have considered just YOU as my best friend and wanted you to make ME your only best friend. that was definetly wrong. and its wrong of me to push colleen away, its stupid of me to try to fix things, i dont know why i even did any of that. every minute of everyday that we dont talk is a minute lost, and a minute that makes me more sad & makes me kick myself because i messed it up. i dont want pitty, and i definetly dont want forgiveness from you, but despite everything, you'll ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be in my fucking heart because you're amazing and you're the most kick-ass girl ive ever met in my entire life & im SO fucking glad you IM'd me that day in the summer .. because i would NEVER have had such an awesome friend to make AWESOME memories with. thank you. and im sorry.

gooddbyeee...

<3.

relaxingCHAOS xx: *moment of truth* i was JUST typing out this little mini speech. telling you i'm sorry for pushing you away, and that i bet sorry isnt good enough, but i just want you to know i'd do absolutely anything to get back our kick-ass friendship & i want a second.. [ or third or 4th? ] chance. i'm sorry with all of my stupid pathetic heart. but then i read this Mel & Allie - So many good times with you gurls! Best friends for life..you gurls are the best, i dont know where i would be without you two! Stay true..xox love you both soo much! So much awesome shit to come! lol mwah. Tuesdays & Fridays are our days ;-)

.. i mean, its great you found other close friends. but, the last entry in your livejournal is how you're SO upset that allie "took your place". well, it looks like two people replaced me. and you know, i've been good during this whole thing. i've just sat there and watch ALLIE take MY place. and i havent said a word. meanwhile when allie "took your place" you were so depressed, sad, and just overall shocked. well, this was a shocker, but ive done the best i can.

Auto response from xO cOll 34 Ox:
SHIT..i dont have my history homework =-O

relaxingCHAOS xx: it's just a stupid profyle anyway....
relaxingCHAOS xx: i'll move on. just like you did.
xO cOll 34 Ox signed off at 7:36:54 PM.
xO cOll 34 Ox signed on at 7:38:48 PM.








ehhhhhhhh...yeah.....


*fun day*

Chelsey Elizabeth Powell has helped me through every god damn struggle, tear, or moment of stress. I cannot EVER repay her for this.

Lisa Jean Kendricken has also been there to cheer me up. I love you!

<3.

[	Fe3Linq	|	confused	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	something corporate	]

I can't stand this. I really cant.

I don't even wanna talk about it but i have to let it out sometime

Chris is not like anyone i've ever dated. he just, makes me so stressed out for like no reason. i dont know what the hell it is. but it drives me crazy 85% of the time. im always gonna blame myself, because i have too high of expectations. but i mean, you see a love story on t.v. or at the movies, obviously you're gonna want ure relationship to be like that. i want him to like say sweet things to me, i want him to have such a connection with me, i want him to talk endlessly just like I do, i want HIM to start the conversation, and NOT like this:

sickboy3891: wut do u wanna talk about
relaxingCHAOS xx: i dont care
sickboy3891: ummm

god fucking dammit.. THAT IS TOTALLY NOT WHAT I LIKE. he should ALWAYS have things to fucking say. and i dont even have to think twice. i hate when theres like moments of silence online.

see, like, i know that i expect way too much from him. but i KNOW that there are guys out there like that.. and thats who i wanna be with. but for now im just seeing if i like guys like chris. i mean, his over-all personality is somewhat blahhh.. but he's so nice. i just hate feeling like im in control. i like the guy to be in control. i like the guy planning things to do on our month anniversary instead of like when chris said "no, you plan something special, im stupid, i dno what to do" i was like why cant u just think of something? and hes like no u. JEEEEEEZEEEEE. chris is such a great guy, just ... wow.. i'm finally admitting what ive been hiding from all along... chris is such a great guy, but he's not matt =(

chris is constantly negative about himself. ive been around negativity too much. i need a change. i mean, why should i be with someone who doesnt really make me smile? his laugh makes me laugh. but thats it. i mean, tonight he was like i went up in italian, now i have a C. and he is totally convinced that teachers fail him because they hate him. i told him,  a teacher cant fail u because of their opinion of you, they HAVE to look at test scores, otherwise they can be fired. hes like well i got 100s on all my tests. im like, do you answer questions & stay quiet during class? and he said yes. so im like okay then u have a problem, you shouldnt be failing. then im like tell ure mom to talk to the teacher. hes like my mom hates me, she kicks me out sometimes. and im like well obviously theres a reason. and hes like no. like he DOESNT understand that there HAS to be a reason hes failing, there HAS to be a reason his mom kicks him out. now, i know theres not a reason for everything.. but those 2 conditions, there has to be.

jesus. i'm so stressed out. its only been a month with chris & its getting worse and worse. i don't know what to do, i'm ready to get on my hands & knees and beg matt to take me back. i'll tell him that i've learned not to expect so much.. and i'll tell him that i'll fucking change & do whatever for him. =(. this sucks. i'm caught in a pickle.

[	Fe3Linq	|	content	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	all american rejects	]

Hey what's goin on?

mm so i'll write kinda fast since kerri-ann, sean, and my auntie jan are over. we're eating dinner. well i'm going to see the all american rejects in concert!!!!!! HELL THE FUCK YES!!!!!! only 8 more days. i talk about it all the time, but i cant help it, first rock concert EVER. there will be plenty more after this i assure you!

vacation was awesome. hanging out with some of my best friends, obviously there were a lot of laughs. very very very fun. wont go into much detail. yesterday i spent the day with kerri-ann. i got my haircut, got bangs, and my eyebrows waxed. fun. i look different hah. then we went back here for like an hour. checked on the animals. then went to pick up sean from his house in everett. then went to the movies to see Fever Pitch. It was suchhhh a goood & cuuute movie! i loved it. then we waited for 45 minutes at the border to get seated. it was yummy. then we dropped jan off. then sean & kerri-ann came here and we played board games & watched grease all night. fun!

today i woke up around 1145ishh. then went downstairs with sean, kerri, & saw my parents come home. uhhh then sat online for an hour. then went to the movies with mel & laura =)! yay. we saw a lot like love. it got such bad reviews, but i thought it was wiked cute. and of course, i love any kind of love story. now im home... kerri-ann & sean just got here. jan is here. and mike is on his way.

school tomorrrowww...


*missing colleen*

[	Fe3Linq	|	content	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	the killers!!!!	]

WOO vacation time! heck yes! it's been lovely so far <3 i'm really happy with it. I've hung out with Mel every single day and its been histerical. I've hung out with Al a lot too, and kinda Chels, kinda Chris. We all like hung out on the weekend at my house, then on monday we all went to the carnival. i went on the mummy, casino, and the carousel haha. it was loads of fun though. poor chels like had to hold everybodys stuff. that night we went to mels house & chels and I were out on the trampoline like late at night, it was so freaking awesome. you know its crazy .. shes such a good friend to me, like, she totally understands me & we can just talk and talk and talk and talk and like never get bored or run out of things to say, or feel akward. we got closer at just the right time, when i needed someone new to talk to, and well shes always gonna be considered one of my best friends now. lmao, we were like dancing on the trampoline at 930 at night like idiots. it was so fun. we literally had so much energy it was out of control.

yesterday was tuesday and mel and allison came over. we hung out, watched like old movies, pebble & the penguin hahah oh my goshh. then we started dancing like idiots to old rap songs, which was totally the highlight of the day. allie did her make-up really heavy, and i personally liked it, i dont think they did. lol oh well. thenn they left, and we all wanted to have a sleepover and we found out we could have one at mels. it was soo fun =). but first, one tree hill was on and it was such a fucking good episode. i was SO happy and didnt want it to end [ well i never want it to end ] the night was fun, until mel & i needed to wake allie up, and it was me vs. allies legs. it killed, but the pain didnt bother me. it was just the anger behind it? you know, like, i could just sense she was liking the fact that she was winning over me, and she had the power to put me down. she was mad after that, and she was like "you're being so mean" and all I could say was "i know, im a mean person" and she was like "i know" which made me sad. then i was like "well maybe we can't be friends" jokingly of course, i would never wanna fucking loose her. and she was like "maybe we cant" err..  confuzzling. the rest of the night was lots and lots of fun. until they fell asleep and i had no one to talk to. and until i woke up and they were all sound asleep then steven came down adn i had to pretend to be asleep with my ipod on. but anyways, fun night.

after i came home from sleeping at mels, i showered, and we walked to carnival to meet up with chris. today was fucking 91 degrees out, so like, i had a freaking heat stroke at the carnival and i couldnt wait to get the hell home. i think mel was mad i was complaining so much about how i was gonna die, but i seriously was. chris was being flirty <3 i loved it. i went on the scrambler for the first time with him.. it was good to be with him, i felt safe.then tonight mel & chelsey came over at 7, but mel left at 830 [?] and chels left at 10. hehehe fun-ness. Sharon is here now and Rocco is sleeping over until Sunday cause sharons going with george to a wedding in philly. should be fun with roc-a-boo.

tomorrow night im having allie + mel + chels + hannah sleep over. shall be fun. i'm excited, except for the fact that its at my house. and during the day ill be hanging out with chris and maybe laura and lisa. then friday is the carnival with everyone. and then saturday/saturday night with kerri-ann =) yay. getting my hair cut & bangs! woo.

update later <3

[	Fe3Linq	|	boo hoo	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	The Juliana Theory	]

Depressing entry. I don't give a flying fuck who reads it.

All thats on my mind is Allison. Things are over. Dead. Gone. Lost. Nothing more to say. I fucked up, I said SO many rude things to her, and we fought. I don't like fighting with my friends, especially her. I'm like friggen scared of her. I get SO freaking emotional talking to her. I cried for 4 and a half hours over my best friend, and she didn't even shed a tear. I'm weak. But that also led me to believe she didn't care about my feelings, and I would never do what she did to me. Whatever. Things will never be the same. Sadly, I brought this all upon myself. But when I asked her "why can't we go back to normal?" she said - "cause normal effing sucked" .. well when were you gonna tell me that normal sucked? Were you just gonna lead me on thinking that you were okay with how things were going? She said sorry to me today, surprisingly, right before lunch I wrote Allie a note that simply said "I'm sorry" and I was gonna give it to her in Spanish. Then I thought back to our conversation from Saturday night and she was like "me personally, i dont like to give in, i dont like to say sorry, and I don't like to work things out" so I threw the note away. I was like fuck this shit. Then right before Spanish she says it. WOW. I was sooooooo confused.

She misses the old me, like at the beginning of the year. Everyone does. Including me. I read this livejournal, and I went back to September, October, November. Those were the best months of my life. I was with Matt which also changed things. But I was just so different. I've grown so much more mature, and things don't get to me like they used to, and I don't know, if people can't accept that I've changed - maybe they weren't my friends all along. Thinking about those months makes me so sad, but you know, I can't change back. I would have no clue how to. Those are just the good memories that I'm left with & that I'll always remember.

Coll + me = Over. As far as I'm concerned. I don't know when, how, or why it happened. It was like right before I went to Bermuda. I don't remember though. Damn. Everything has been shit since I got back from Bermuda. Colleen doesn't make an effort anymore, and I sure as hell don't blame her. But it's totally not like her to not say anything to me. She's changed so damn much. Plus she's different with EVERYONE than she is with me. Those are for reasons only her and I know. NO ONE ELSE KNOWS!

I have more to say, but at the same time, I don't wanna say it. I don't know. Life is so confusing. I wish my mom knew that I was depressed, errr. Life shall go on. I shant dwell on the past. All that lays ahead is the future, which chances are, will probably suck.

In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you
And in your head where it dwells
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it
Let's walk away from this hell.
- The Juliana Theory

<33.

[	Fe3Linq	|	happy	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	Taking Back Sunday	]

Well not much time to write. But this is what I did today - printed 60 invitations. Hand delivered 20 of them.. drove around Melrose lol with my mom. came home, talked to jimmy. did hw. talked to jimmy some more. watched mean girls WHILE i talked to jimmy for an hour and a half. watched the end of mean girls. now im online talking to jimmy. great sunday =D oh yeah, matt came online & he was like so did you make up ure mind? and i told him im with jimmy & then he ignored me.. ignorant bastard. now hes going out with lauren loder & me & jimmy are trying to tell her hes just going out with her to get me jealous but she wont believe us.. oh well her loss. school tomorrow yuck.. but looking forward to seeing him x333333333

JIMMY YOU'RE THE BEST GUY IN THE WHOLE EFFING WORLD!!!

[	Fe3Linq	|	YAY!!!!	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	Leaving - The Starting Line	]

I can't stop smiling.. all I'm doing is thinking of him.. my whole body is shaking.. theres butterflies in my tummy everytime i say his name.. i'm sweating like a big hairy ape.. oh man, he's so awesome. We were supposed to go to the movies today, but no one would go with me, so he wanted to go just me & him, but my fruitcake mom wouldnt let me cause of the snow ergh. so we're going tomorrow i think. and he asked me to go to the library with him on monday. woo i'm so happy. some of our conversation -

xTheWorldYouLove: okay, that was weird.
xTheWorldYouLove: anyways, yeah, i like the one where peters watchen like wheel of fortune & the puzzle is GO _UCK YOURSELF
xTheWorldYouLove: and the lady on the t.v. is like.. its go tuck yourself in
JmCrzy3: o yea
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: that was funny
xTheWorldYouLove: haha and peter goes.. i cant believe i got my big hairy aunt wrong
xTheWorldYouLove: lmao !
JmCrzy3: i got all 3 seasons on dvd
xTheWorldYouLove: cool
xTheWorldYouLove: im mad at hannah
Auto response from xtheworldyoulove:

Ughhhhhhhhhhh life sucksssss..

JmCrzy3: wat?

Auto response from xTheWorldYouLove:

Ughhhhhhhhhhh life sucksssss..

JmCrzy3 is away at 5:18:42 PM.
JmCrzy3 returned at 5:21:01 PM.
JmCrzy3: im bakk
xTheWorldYouLove: okay lol
JmCrzy3: u no that u carelol
xTheWorldYouLove: right
xTheWorldYouLove: ;-)
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: lolo
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: whoa! calm down you might have a stroke
JmCrzy3: ok lol
JmCrzy3 is away at 5:26:30 PM.
JmCrzy3 returned at 5:26:32 PM.
xTheWorldYouLove: so
JmCrzy3: so
xTheWorldYouLove: how olds ure sister
JmCrzy3: fine
xTheWorldYouLove: ?
JmCrzy3: wat?
xTheWorldYouLove: xTheWorldYouLove: how olds ure sister
JmCrzy3: o sorry
xTheWorldYouLove: lol its ok
JmCrzy3: 15
xTheWorldYouLove: ohh
JmCrzy3: so
JmCrzy3: hoo did u go out wit b4 matt?
xTheWorldYouLove: josh
JmCrzy3: b4 him?
xTheWorldYouLove: ummmmmmmmmm
xTheWorldYouLove: matt
xTheWorldYouLove: again
JmCrzy3: b4 him again?
xTheWorldYouLove: either scott condon or dillon harris [ ew i know ]
JmCrzy3: i was bout 2 say that!\
JmCrzy3: creepy!
xTheWorldYouLove: lol i dno i must have been on drugs
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: and before him scott rosseli.. in fifth grade.. and finally my first bf - adam cervenka
xTheWorldYouLove: i have some issues
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
JmCrzy3: adam is my friend
JmCrzy3: kinda....
xTheWorldYouLove: but scott
xTheWorldYouLove: eek
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: hes nice but after i dumped him he kept talken shit about me
JmCrzy3: hoo, adam?
xTheWorldYouLove: no scott r
JmCrzy3: or scott?
JmCrzy3: o
xTheWorldYouLove: you probably think i'm a whore cause i've had so many boyfriends but thats all the ones i've had in 3 years
JmCrzy3: u
JmCrzy3: r
JmCrzy3: definetely
JmCrzy3: not
JmCrzy3: a
JmCrzy3: whore
xTheWorldYouLove: l
xTheWorldYouLove: o
xTheWorldYouLove: l
xTheWorldYouLove: o
xTheWorldYouLove: k
JmCrzy3: thats not sumthin u would wva b
JmCrzy3: eva*
JmCrzy3: ive had alot of gf
xTheWorldYouLove: like who
JmCrzy3: some,NASTY girls
xTheWorldYouLove: really?
JmCrzy3: steffy,carliin....ewww
xTheWorldYouLove: who??
JmCrzy3: 8 graders
xTheWorldYouLove: ohh
JmCrzy3: i went out wit them last year
xTheWorldYouLove: ok
xTheWorldYouLove: who else
JmCrzy3: the ppl who WERENT nasty was,liz,and,thats bout it
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: yeah liz is awesome
JmCrzy3: o,and ayla
xTheWorldYouLove: yeah
JmCrzy3: i cant even remember hoo else
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
JmCrzy3: hoo do u like now>
JmCrzy3: ?*
xTheWorldYouLove: HA like im gonna tell u :-P
JmCrzy3: ill tell u hoo i like if u tell me
xTheWorldYouLove: you'll laugh at me
JmCrzy3: nuh uh
JmCrzy3: i wont care
xTheWorldYouLove: yeah youu will!
JmCrzy3: i swear
xTheWorldYouLove: well you can't tell anyone
JmCrzy3: just tell me,i wont tell n e 1
JmCrzy3: i sweaar
xTheWorldYouLove: like seriously anyone
JmCrzy3: i nno,i swear, and dont lie, cu z im a human lie detector
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: well right now i like you, but that could easily change.. haha
JmCrzy3: o thenks alot!
xTheWorldYouLove: im just playen
xTheWorldYouLove: you're awsome
JmCrzy3: thanks
JmCrzy3: i like u 2
xTheWorldYouLove: you're lying to me
JmCrzy3: maybe i am, but only if ure lyin 2 me
xTheWorldYouLove: i'm not lying to you
JmCrzy3: neitha am i
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: confusing
xTheWorldYouLove: blonde moment
JmCrzy3: but ure not a blonde, ure brown-dirty blonde
JmCrzy3: im a dirty blonde
xTheWorldYouLove: oh yeah thats right
xTheWorldYouLove: silly me
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: so0o,u like me?
xTheWorldYouLove: yesss i do
JmCrzy3: cool
xTheWorldYouLove: yup
JmCrzy3: me 2 2 u
xTheWorldYouLove: awesome :-) that made me happy
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: i think im the only one out of my friends who doesnt play basketball anymore
JmCrzy3: u used 2 play basketball
JmCrzy3: cool
xTheWorldYouLove: yeah i quite cause i sucked
JmCrzy3: i bet u were goos
xTheWorldYouLove: NO way jose!
JmCrzy3: good*
xTheWorldYouLove: all my friends are trying to get me to play again
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: u should
JmCrzy3: so u like me,i like u....wat?
xTheWorldYouLove: what about it?
JmCrzy3: i dno
JmCrzy3: just makin convorsation
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: unlike MATT aka big tall bastard
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: ii can take him if u want, just holla at me
xTheWorldYouLove: i could take him too hes so skinny if i sit on him he'd die
JmCrzy3: ure way skinnier
JmCrzy3: y do girls always think theyrw fat?wen the yre always wikkked skinny?
xTheWorldYouLove: well ive gained some weight
xTheWorldYouLove: okay, i dno why brittany dantona thinks shes fat? thats just stupid.
JmCrzy3: no,i bet u havent, and if u did, u cant notice it 1 bit
JmCrzy3: jj\
xTheWorldYouLove: thanks.. but yeah i gained 8 pounds hehe
JmCrzy3: my bad
JmCrzy3: wen
xTheWorldYouLove: i uno while i was away over x-mas vacation
JmCrzy3: evry1 gained wait during x-mas cuz evry1 stuffed their faces wit x-mas ham!
xTheWorldYouLove: lol true dat
JmCrzy3: i no i did!lol
xTheWorldYouLove: speaking of food.. be right back
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: aight
xTheWorldYouLove: im back im back i know you missed me
JmCrzy3: yeamu no i did
xTheWorldYouLove: hold in ure excitement
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: its only 6 and im ready for bed
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: so, if we like each otha, maybe we could go out...
xTheWorldYouLove: aren't you the one who told me last night i should get to know someone first? ;-)
JmCrzy3: yea,but i was avoiding the Q: then
JmCrzy3: lol
xTheWorldYouLove: lol
JmCrzy3: so u wanna go out?
xTheWorldYouLove: im sure if you get to know me you'll think im a loser..
xTheWorldYouLove: but..
JmCrzy3: but..
xTheWorldYouLove: yeah..
xTheWorldYouLove: i will.
JmCrzy3: yea?
JmCrzy3: cool
JmCrzy3: aight
xTheWorldYouLove: but, dude, seriously, are you like
xTheWorldYouLove: gonna break up with me next week? cause if thats the thing then no
JmCrzy3: na
JmCrzy3: y would iask
xTheWorldYouLove: okay, cool.
JmCrzy3: aight
xTheWorldYouLove: i'm gonna give you a huge hug on monday
xTheWorldYouLove: beware
JmCrzy3: lol
JmCrzy3: but u can go 2 the movies 2morrow though rite?
xTheWorldYouLove: probably cause its not gonna snow
JmCrzy3: o
JmCrzy3: i hope we got anotha snow day cuz we wouldnt go 2 skool and we could chill
xTheWorldYouLove: that'd be awesome
JmCrzy3: i no
xTheWorldYouLove: hah i've been talking to you all day long today
JmCrzy3: i no
JmCrzy3: ure so interesting 2 talk 2
JmCrzy3: i g2g
xTheWorldYouLove: thanksss
JmCrzy3: ill call  lata 2nite
xTheWorldYouLove: alright see you tomorrow hopefully or talk to you later
xTheWorldYouLove: alright
JmCrzy3: aight'lata
JmCrzy3 is away at 6:02:47 PM.
JmCrzy3 returned at 6:03:37 PM.
JmCrzy3 is away at 6:04:48 PM.
JmCrzy3 signed off at 6:11:07 PM.

[	Fe3Linq	|	crappy	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	Nothing, my heads pounding	]

Yesterday was fun. School was lame. Jimmy told me he was gonna buy me a birthday present =D Heh. After school Hannah & I came here & did invitations for our party, then we went to Amanda's house before the High School game. Then we went to the game & met Coll there.. and then back to my house. My house was so boring - sorry guys! I was talking to Matt & he asked me out again.. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Disaster!!!!! And Jimmy was being SOOOOO sweet!!! He's so gangster I love it! Whoop whoop! He wanted to hook up with me today.. so I told him to meet us at the movies.. but now Laura's sick.. Allie has to babysit.. so it might be just me hannah & coll.. I feel bad leaving them out though cause they'll probably get mad. Oh well, today I feel worse than yesterday, ughh, I didn't sleep at all last night either. Poop.

[	Fe3Linq	|	sad	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	The World You Love - Jimmy Eat World	]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLLEEN! MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE EFFING WORLD!!! WOOHOO HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST DAY!

Word. I love you Coll! =D Hope you don't get sick! Today was the first day back to school, first day seeing Coll, Laura, Hannah. It was, akward. Yeah, akward, thats the best way I can describe it. I uno, it's like I wasn't even gone. I've been thinking, thinking, and thinking so much I almost collapsed. I broke up with Matthew today. It sucks, I mean, last time I did this I wanted him back. I just wanna be FRIENDS with him, cause he's awesome. I wrote him a note, like it was all I felt, I like fucking poured my heart out. I was walking to see my friends after school with Coll, and I see Amanda, Melissa, Allie, Laura, Lizzie, and Austin all crowding around Matt, he showed them the note. I specifically told him not to show ANYONE. So Melissa & Amanda read it? It's personal guys, I still love you but I really didn't think you'd read it. So I'm ruined, I guarentee tomorrow will be the worst day, people will keep coming up to me, ergh. Preparing for the worst. I got 4 new CD's today! I'm so effing pumped about it, too! Jimmy Eat World [ emo-ness ] Green Day's Dookie [ from '95 ] Something Corporate & the older TBS that I already know all the songs on it I just never had it. So I've been listening to them constantly, plus Jay-z & Linkin Park. Sweet. Now I'm in a real emo mood.. sort of twisted & confused inside. Oh boy.

I'm looking for a nice way to say I'm out
I want out.

[	Fe3Linq	|	uncomfortable	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer	]

Sad day for Devyn. Tomorrow I leave. I'm being so dramatic and making it sound like I'm dying, but I'm just gonna miss my friends so much. I've always been home for Christmas for 11 years of my life, so its just not gonna be the same. School was good because we had shortened blocks.. I had gym first. I got three baskets in one game, hehe. In World History we took a test to see if we would be in the Geography Bee, and I came in 3rd in my class, I was very proud but I didn't wanna go up infront of the room so Matt took my place. Thank God I wasn't up against him because I would have beat him, heh. The assembly was somewhat boring, interesting, and hysterical all at the same time. I sat next to Jimmy Muise, he's the best ever. We flirted a lot, it felt good since I hadn't flirted in like a whole week. He's pretty gangster too & I like it. Matt bought me a gift, he's so sweet =D it's the Jay-Z and Linkin Park CD " Collision Course " which is totally ill man. I gave him a big hug & I might call him tonight. Colleen I love you & I'll miss you like crazy, you're my one and only twin. Have a good one guys, I'll write in a week ! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
SEE YOU IN 2005 BITCHES
ALL OUR MISTAKES ARE ERASED BECAUSE ITS A BRAND NEW YEAR!
2005 WATCH OUT FOR US!

P.S. It's Dappers birthday tomorrow =D

[	Fe3Linq	|	sad	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	God Send Conspirator - Coheed & Cambria	]

 HEHE!

Tomorrow is the last day before Christmas Vacation. I'm so pumped that schools over for a week, and I'd normally be so excited to chill with my friends for 9 days, but no, I'll only have two days this year. Ergh. I wish I could say I was dying to go to Bermuda, but I'm not. Maybe I'm a spoiled brat because I'm like mad I'm going to a beautiful island for Christmas, but even if my family sucks doesnt mean I wanna leave. After school tomorrow I'm going to Amanda's with Colleen Hannah Laura Allie Meghan & maybe Christine.. to exchange gifts, which I didn't buy anyone, sorry guys! I get to open my presents tomorrow night, since you know otherwise I'd have to wait a week. We had like no homo work tonight, it was awesome. I went over Coll's today, and I gave her a big hug since I won't be like with just her tomorrow. We watched Napoleon Dynamite, it was hilarious at some parts, its so like boring but funny lol. I'll miss you so much Coll!!!! YOU TOO .. ALLIE LAURA HANNAH MANDA PANDA AND MEL!! I'm gonna go try to pack some stuf.. oh yeah, i got my pics back from Mel's party =D theres some worth saving forever hehe

MIKE THANKS FOR LETTING ME BORROW THE FIRST COHEED CD!!!

The worlds not big enough for the both of us..

[	Fe3Linq	|	bouncy	]
[	LiSt3ninq tO	|	Dissolve & Decay - Hawthorne Heights	]

01. Spell your first name back wards: Nyved
02. The story behind your user name: its a song by evanescence which I love..

DESCRIBE YOUR:
01. [Wallet]: black with a pink flower heh
02. [Hairbrush] : not quite sure.. got two of them..
03. [Jewelry worn daily]: live strong, breast cancer pink bracelet, pink black & blue rubber bracelets, and a silver bracelet
04. [Pillow cover]: teddy bears
06. [Shoes]: k swiss
07. [Handbag]: i uno
09. [Favorite pants]: jeans
10. [Favorite dressy outfit]: dont have one
12. [Favorite Cologne/Perfume]: hmmmm.. i uno i love how guys smell
13. [Song playing right now]: dissolve & decay - hawthorne heights
14. [Piercings]: ummm.. both ears
15. [What you are wearing now]: jeans and a melrose sweatshirt
16. [Hair]: half up half down
17. [Makeup]: mascara
18. [In my mouth]: spit
19. [In my head]: thoughts?
20. [Wishing]: colleen would call me back
21. [After this]: going upstairs
22. [Eating]: spit
23. [Fetishes]: HAIR! and that soft part under peoples arms thats really soft  =D
25. [Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: birthday party
26. [The last thing you ate?]: mashed potatoes
27. [Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: dying, loosing my friends or family
28. [Do you believe in love]: yes
29. [Do you believe in soul mates]: yes
30. [Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes
31. [If you could have any animal for a pet]: doggy or kitty

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
01. Cried: no actually
02. Bought something: yesh
03. Been kissed: no.. on friday i was though
04. Moved on: NO!
05. Talked to an ex: yup
06. Missed an ex: nope

SOCIAL LIFE:
01. Best girl friends: colleen hannah laura allie melissa manda
02. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: matt?
03. I love to: listen to music & talk
04. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: in between
05. Do you have a job: nope
06. Do you attend church: noooooooo
07. Do you like being around people: yesh, very much

PERSONAL:
01. Who is your role model: my sisters & my brother
03. Rather be the dumper or the dumpee: dumper
04. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": both!!!!!!!!!!!
05. Want someone you don't have right now: no
06. Ever liked your best guy friend: yeahh
07. Do you want to get married: no way jose
08. Do you know the person you will marry at this point in time: no

CURRENTS:
[wearing] jeans and a sweatshirt
[hair is] half up half down
[feeling] poopy
[thinking about] spanish test
[talking to] melissa nd laura
[what's on your mousepad] nothing because i don't have a mousepad! ohhh!

IN THE LAST WEEK:
[cried] yup
[worn a skirt] nope?
[met someone new] probably
[cleaned your room] are you joking?
[drove a car] nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
[yourself] not really
[your friends] all the time
[santa claus] yeah, my mom rocks
[the tooth fairy] yeah shes friends with tinkerbell
[the easter bunny] YES! THE PRETTY PINK BUNNY.. HEHE COLLEEN
[angels] sure
[ghosts] ah scary
[ufo's] hehe
[God] not really

FRIENDS:
[loudest] melissa
[shyest] hm....
[funniest] all of em
[the one you get along with most] colleen deff deff deff and allie laura and hannah
[who are you mad at] umm.. john paul
[who do you go to for advice] allie or laura
[who would you say is your best friend out of all of them] i can't pick
[who's the one you couldn't live without] all of 'em

FAVORITES:
[ice cream] black raspberry
[Shampoo] DOVE 2 IN 1
[color] green black and pink
[movie] a walk to remember, the notebook
[food] pizza
[travel destination] my couch
[number] 9
[restaraunt] the border or friendlys

FIRST THING:
[to cross your mind when you wake up] colleen! hhahah!
[to cross your mind when you sign online] i gotta find allies screen name
[to cross your mind when you lay down to sleep] thoughts about my day
[to cross your mind when you get home] music

RANDOM:
[If you could meet anyone from history, who would it be] hm, i do not know